First Day

I woke early thanks to my window facing east. Once 8 o'clock hit, I grabbed my water bottle, my ID, my headphones, and a banana to take on the school's gym for the first time. It was a doozy: elliptical, tricep machine, followed by crunches. I did it, and I felt better for it. Lunch was at the Baugh, meh, but made better by two good friends whose company I've missed these past months. 2 classes and overviews of the course objectives under my belt. A sticky amount of sweating from crossing all lengths of the campus. I made my own dinner tonight, a chicken breast on the panini press with some Italian seasoning. Salad with cucumbers accompanied, and then I ate some chips just cause I wanted to. I entertained a friend over dinner, and the two of us played Bananagrams after we'd done our chatting. I capped my dinner around 9:15 when I started in on the piece of chocolate cream pie with my name on it. Lots of reading for classes along the way. It's already a mountain before me. Finally, dropped the dishwasher tab under the bottom rack, and flipped the on lever. Now I sit at my computer.

I was a little worried that with having my own kitchen this semester, I wouldn't really leave my apartment much. Thus, my socialization would tank. But for the first day, I exercised, had lunch with friends, dinner with a friend, played Bananagrams, spent lots of time sitting next to my roommate, and I still did a load of homework. I'm not worried anymore. A kitchen only means eating real food and gives you the bonus of being able to share of yourself by feeding others.

For now I must check out. My interview is tomorrow morning at 10:00 am. Please pray for me. I want this internship so much, I'm kind of afraid to talk about it.

The Beginning of the End

I read on facebook tonight that someone was saying that they really should dress up for school tomorrow (as it is the first day), but instead she's just going to wear really casual clothes because she wants to. Funny enough, I thought to myself earlier that instead of dressing up for classes, maybe I should just come in my lounging clothes because that would showcase my senior status.

Don't worry. I'll be wearing my predetermined nice outfit. :) But it did cross my mind.

I'm sitting at my desk in my little room all to myself, surrounded by open plastic bins, refuse all over the floor, and really too many picture frames on my desk, and I'm thinking about tomorrow. There is a slight note in my brain of it being a very important day as it marks the beginning of the end. Still, most of me just thinks it's another year of school. I guess it will feel like that for awhile, until the end starts to sink in.

At this point I have no idea what I'm doing after college, but that's all right for the moment. Later on, not so much. But, worrying about that later.

I have so many Disney memories surrounding me. They are nearly all work related, as that was where I was happiest. Nemo jumps out from my desk in several places. It's definitely not hard to find him here.

And then to the right of me, on the floor in front of the mirror, is my Death Star rug. You know, 'cause that's a very normal thing for a girl's senior dorm room. No matter. I absolutely love it. It brings an extra level of nerd to my room.

I feel like this post has a little too much rambling and introspection thrown in together. Maybe this is where I should end then. I am really tired. Climbing into bed after I finish writing this. With the bed lofted a good 4 feet, it's hard to get into bed with your computer, and then just lay the computer on the floor and go to sleep. Thus, typing this at my desk. Shortly to reach my bed.

I shall not take up anymore of your time. Thanks for reading. Good night.

Natalie Renee

Natalie Renee,

What a wisp of an angel,

What a breath of joy.

Pink hued and small featured,

You are the best combination.

Natalie Renee

Tiny princess for us all

Black hair and sleeping eyes

You don’t even know your magic yet.

You have so much to give the world.

Natalie Renee

I cannot wait to meet you.

Little baby soon in my arms

So many exciting stories to live

I promise to read them all.

The Fault in Our Stars

For awhile, I have wanted a place that will give me content reviews of books just like movies. I want to know how much language and sex is in something before I buy a book. So, I thought that maybe I could at least provide some of that for others. Plus, I just love to be able to lay out exactly what I think about everything in a book. There will be spoilers, but I will try to keep anything major out of the content part of the review. Enjoy, and if you have any suggestions on either how to review or any books I should read, please comment. :)

     This is the first book I have read by John Green, and now An Abundance of Katherines is on request at the library. After hearing so much about this novel, how much it makes people cry, and the emotional impact it leaves behind--combined with watching the preview for the movie, I decided I needed to read this book. A friend was gracious enough to lend it to me since the cue at the library was over 170 people, and with a promise to return it before the end of finals, I began.
     The novel is just over 300 pages and told from the first person view of 16 year old Hazel Grace Lancaster. She has been pulled out of high school because she is suffering from thyroid cancer that has spread to her lungs. She is perfectly content to stay at home and watch the current season of America's Next Top Model and reread her favorite book, An Imperial Affliction. That is, until the metaphorically-obsessed, beautiful Augustus Waters walks into her Cancer Support Group. And at last, someone can look past the oxygen tubes in her nose and understand how to reach Hazel while navigating the world of death that she lives in.

     Possibly the first thing that struck me about this book was the humor. That seems a bit odd since it's about two kids with cancer, but I laughed out loud at many parts during my read. At first, I was a little put off with how morbid the humor turned. "I didn't tell him that the diagnosis came three months after I got my first period. Like: Congratulations! You're a woman. Now die" (24). But then I came to appreciate the use of the ironic laughs.
     Hazel has been saddled with a pain-ridden life and has understandably become cynical. This heavy sarcasm comes out in the oddest and most hilarious spots at times. It brings life to the book and relieves the tension that is as thick as leather in certain parts. Isaac is also a huge source of ironic humor. "Come over here so I can examine your face with my hands and see deeper into your soul than a sighted person ever could" (74). It is this choice by the characters to view their depressing world in a humorous way that I think makes them so real.
     Augustus and Hazel, and Isaac as well, all seem like teenagers I could meet walking down the street. So many novels today want to be in the YA category so authors place their characters as being 16 or 17 when the character acts two or three years older. Some might say Hazel and Augustus act older than their ages, but if they do, it is a realistic difference seen in how some children have an uncanny maturity when faced with the ever-present prospect of death. These days, authors also attempt to make their teenage characters different and deeper by having them use big, intriguing words. This often gets annoying, but these kids--especially Augustus--are the type of people who would actually talk that way. Someone who is so obsessed with metaphor would know how to use the word hamartia. (I just looked it up myself). The authenticity of these characters is vital to the success of the book, and John Green has a hold on to communicate these kids to the reader.
     Probably the biggest disconnect for me in the book is the trip to Amsterdam. Augustus uses his "Make a Wish" trip to take Hazel to Amsterdam to meet the author of their favorite book. While reading, at one point I thought, 'Wait, are they actually going to Amsterdam?' And then later, 'They're really in Amsterdam; this is really weird.' It did seem a bit odd when looking over the plot overview of the story, but it is nevertheless vital to the story.
     The theme of 'What is the point of life if no one will remember you?' is quite predominant in the novel. It is perhaps the greatest element besides the love story between Augustus and Hazel. I appreciated this question as it is something serious that people must consider. For those unsaved, what is the point of a life? Even for those believers, the question may pose a difficult thread of ideas. 'What is the point of life if no one will remember you?' So, make sure you make a difference in a life to where someone will. And I think that may be a point John Green may be leaning towards. In the end (of life and the novel), life is about choices. Do we choose to believe in Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior? Do we choose to live a typical life or travel the world? Do we choose to marry or stay single? Everything is affected by our choices, even the little things like what we wear. And John Green understands this with nearly the last line in The Fault in Our Stars. "You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world, old man, but you do have some say in who hurts you" (313).
     Life, in a way, is completely out of our control. You cannot direct traffic, you cannot convince everyone, and you cannot dictate what another says. But you can choose how to spend your time. You can choose who you spend it with and what kind of an impact you can have on another person. There are people in my life who have hurt me just like the next person, and I wish that I could change those experiences. However, I can't, and like it or not, those hurts have made me who I am today. What comforts me is looking back on those hurts and realizing I wouldn't give up the beginning or the middle to escape the painful outcome. The people were worth it, and that makes the pain bearable.

Sexual content: A girl and guy have sex at one point in the story, but it is not described in detail. They go into the hotel room, and that is about it. There are a few brief discussions about virginity. At one point, a guy and girl are making out quite heavily in public with another guy and girl standing right there. The onlookers discuss how awkward it looks and how heavily the guy is groping the girl. The leader of Support Group, Phillip, tells his cancer story before each meeting, and it involves talking about how he had to have his testicles removed. This is referenced more than once by Hazel as something that has turned boring and made Phillip weird. Once, when playing a voice-command video game, a guy and a girl command the computer to sexually interact with a stone wall. The computer asks for a repeat of the command, and the whole thing is played off as humorous.
Language: One f-word. Many uses of the s-word. Several occurrences of b**tard and other insults. Many uses of 'oh my god' and other liberties with God's name.
Negative content: The Support Group is held in the basement of a church and is said by the leader to represent the heart of Jesus, because Jesus treasures sick kids in His heart. While the leader, Phillip, says this in reverence, it is played off as humorous and mocked by characters because they mock Phillip. One guy is encouraged by another guy to vandalize a girl's car by throwing eggs at it, and they carry out this idea. One character uses a pack of cigarettes as a metaphor to how he can take control of some small element of death, and he perpetually has one (always unlit) in his mouth. Two underage characters drink champagne at a restaurant but do not become drunk. One adult character is seen plainly as an alcoholic, but it is shown starkly negative and damaging to all that come in contact with him.

Studying for and Taking Finals

Hello everyone!

     My, it's been awhile. Almost a full year since my last post. Oh well. Blogs can always be revived. That's the nice thing about them. I want to start using this thing more for posting my own writing and doing some reviews of books I've read. I might even throw in an opinion of a TV show or a movie. Who knows? It will probably be just as random as before, but I really wanted to get this up and going again. I have recently had a revitalized yearning of reading and writing and thought that sharing this might help to keep it going.
     So, without further ado, here is the piece I most recently wrote for my writing class. The prompt was to write about a process that was a metaphor for another process. One would be only the title, and the piece had to solely describe the other. It'll make more sense once you start reading. Comments are greatly appreciated as always.

Studying for and Taking Finals

     National Novel Writing Month or Nanowrimo happens every November and is a competition against yourself to write a 50,000 word novel in 30 days. It is a race. A race against time and a race against yourself. It is a battle of stamina and pacing and planning ahead. Some choose to start writing on November 1^st without any layout of their books. Others begin the writing process after planning for months, sometimes even since the previous November. It’s whatever works for you, and nobody disses anybody else’s system.

     During the actual month when the slavery has begun, you are chained to your laptop or your notebook. The average of 1,666 words a day will allow you to finish in the allotted time, but people don’t often follow this outline. Writers become pumped for the beginning of the race, shoot off in a sprint, and by week two they are laying on their beds, ready to give up and hurl their computers across the room. Nothing is bleaker as the second week of Nanowrimo. A Navy Seals mission seems simpler to the tired and caffeine-riddled brain.

     There are too many characters to keep up with. There are too many plot lines, too many subtleties, too many things you care about that are unimportant, and too many things you would like to step on that are important. Each character is snapping their fingers in your face to get moving and write their next scene. This is when you consider your god-like power of inflicting death upon certain characters so you no longer have to worry about them.

     At the third week mark, things are slightly better. You have regained some motivation because your novel idea is not hopeless. It may stink; in the end you may be left with failure, at least in your mind. But from where you stand now, there is an attainable goal. You are tired. Actually, exhausted is a better word, even if used metaphorically. You have propped your eyelids open with toothpicks long past midnight in order to make up the word count you shirked during week two. There is no time for napping. You cannot afford to make up this sleep until December. Along with sleep deprivation is the bloating that has resulted from the combined effects of too much butt-sitting and consummation of sugary and salty snacks when the toothpicks become too painful. There is also an added level of instability from the Lake Coffee that has been absorbed. It is up to each family member’s own choice whether or not to approach this struggling writer.

     Week four is true pain. It is the last push, a Hail Mary to simply reach the 50,000 goal. You hate writing at this point and continually ask yourself why you ever thought this was a good idea while your murder your keyboard with the speed of your fingers. Whose idea was it to create this kind of torture? Yet you are participating in it. You are doing this because you started it, and there is no way in heck that you are going to back out now with only two days left.

     November 30^th is spent writing until the last minute. Anything you can cram in to bump that final number up helps. Even if you know it’s terrible and you’ll edit it out later, you just put anything on the page you can. You’re watching the clock. You’re watching the words in front of you. Your heart is beating a mile a minute, and you just hope this all pays off. Failure is so close and so very possible that your fingers are starting to actually ache from all this writing.

     And then the clock rolls over to read 12:00. And you’re done. It’s just over. All that sweat. All that work. All the carbs, the late nights, the forgoing of showers, all ran up to this point. Now, you lean back in your chair. You look at the word count at the bottom of your screen. And you smile.

So Close to the Shelves, You Can't See the Books.

     A couple days ago, my family took a weekend vacation to go to a wedding. We went to a movie, went to a mall, walked various places, and ate at various places, and just generally enjoyed not doing anything. On our drive home, we stopped at a massive Half-Price Books. (I thought I heard it was the largest in the world, but that seems pretty ridiculous so I might be wrong.) Anyway, it was really big. No five stories or anything, just one story but it went out for a long time.
     I loved going there. I walked in, and there were hundreds of books. Everywhere. New friends waiting to be met over on this side. New worlds waiting to be explored on this side. I know, I know. I sound like one of those book nuts, right? Well, that's what I am, aren't I? :D I practically went bounding through the shelves looking for anything that peeked my interest.
     One section caught my eye: Christian Fiction. 'Hmm, cool! I think I'll go look at that.' So, I went over. As I do in any section, I start at one end and start scanning titles. If I title catches my interest, I pull the book out. If the cover picture and synopsis catch my interest, I write the name and author on the little notepad in my purse that I always have with me. This is to look them up on Amazon or the library when I get home, or to add to my ever growing list of 'books to read.'
     Anyway, so I'm scanning through titles, and I very soon discover something. Literally fifty percent of the books in the section are Amish romances. I was immediately disappointed. I kept skimming through the section for a little while but just kept stumbling over more of the same thing, and I got discouraged and gave up. Yep, I went to the secular section with far more interesting novels.
     Honestly, it disappointed me that so much of Christian fiction is Amish romances. Hey, you want to write a book about the Amish? That's cool! I'm all good with that. You want to make it a romance? Go for it! I might read it one day; who knows? But does the majority of Christian fiction have to be romance? Does it have to be Amish? Is the only way we can convey Christian theology (and I'm not saying whether the Amish have it right or not) is through showing a culture that is completely isolated from the world? Jesus calls us to go out into the world, to minister and evangelize, to try and touch every life we can for God. Can we do that if we're sitting in our special counties, trying to remain separate?
     Another point, do so many of these books need to be romances? Now guys, I am as big a fan of romance novels as anybody. Not icky romance novels, no Fifty Shades of Grey or anything like it. But a good novel with a heavy enough dose to be considered in the romance genre? Let me at it. And, I'm all for Christian romances because we need some healthy romance novels on the market. Still, why do so many Christian books have to be "romances." Is that the only way we can appeal to the market?
     I read a book a year or two ago called Yearbook by Allyson Braithwraite Condie. It was definitely religious fiction, but it was Mormon. I didn't chuck the book; actually, it's still on my shelf upstairs. The plot covered many different high-schoolers; all in the 15/16/17 age range, and all interconnected with the other characters. Some of the kids were dealing with moving, some with family issues, some with image problems, some with break ups, and all with religious struggles. And you know how they fixed their problems? Not by finding their inner strength or getting a gf/bf. They turned to their religion.
     Granted, the intricacies of what they believe are wrong. They would quote the Bible and the Book of Mormon in the same sentence. Still, you have no idea how refreshing it was to read a book about modern kids with real problems who solve or sometimes only begin to solve (which is sometimes more realistic) all of their issues through faith! Yes, there were a few couples in the novel, but it wasn't a romance book. These kids were not closeting themselves but were trying to evangelize their friends as well as prepare for missionary-like trips. It was an excellent book, in my opinion, not from Shakespeare-like vocabulary or underlying symbolism, but because it was real. This is how religion functions in our everyday lives. Let's write a book about it.
     Why can't Christian fiction writers be brave and really get books out that aren't romances? Why can't we really pack them with our beliefs and show how Christians of today interact with the Lord on an everyday and personal level? How we depend on him for our livelihood, for our joy, for our salvation? Wouldn't you want to read a book like that? I would! If I enjoyed it in a Mormon setting, I know I'd love it from an angle that I can relate to.
     Being a writer, I've begun to think about how my opinions relate to myself. As a Christian, I've pondered over the question of "Should Christian writers only write Christian books?" My opinion is a no. I feel that nowhere am I required to write purely Christian fiction. I think that I am called to reach people, and if my talent is writing, than I need to reach people through writing. A lot of people can be turned off when they see a book is talking about God. So, maybe you never specify the religious relationship. Maybe the main character isn't a believer but a friend is. I mean, you can do all kinds of things.
     To me, we need healthy, good, enjoyable literature out in the world for people to read. There are more people than me who want to pick up a book without worrying how much language or "smut" is contained inside. So, if I write a novel that has no mention of God, but has a strong family unit, high morals, and stuff like that...Someone could say, "Hey, that was a good book. I wonder what else she's written." And then they might find the book I've written that does go in the Christina Fiction section. And through really both books, I have reached them. (Of course, this all depends on me writing a lot of books. haha!) But still, I think you get my meaning.       
     Anyway, I thought about posting a facebook status about this...but as you can see it would be an eensy-weensy bit too long. So, I decided it should go up here. Feel free to comment and share your thoughts about anything in this post.

Have a great day! :)

Libraries

I think Libraries are underrated places. Books are underrated themselves, but people keep pushing them, which is good. However, we're getting more digital books, and Libraries are starting to sink into "the corrupt sands of commerce"--You've Got Mail.
I know a ton of kids don't use libraries. Even in my homeschooling circle I find so many kids who've only ever used a library for required school research. *gasp* HOW? I want to beg of them. I love libraries. They're this big cove filled with shelves and shelves of mysteries. Upon opening some of the boxes, you're met with boredom, junk, or interesting things at another time, but every once and awhile you find a treasure. I know; right now I'm being all cliché and tacky...but I do love libraries.
It's no different than bookstores in my opinion. I walk into Barnes and Noble, and aside from the coffee smell which makes me happy, I get kind of giddy thinking of how many unknown books I'm going to discover in the next hour. Seriously, when you take me into Barnes and Noble, I just walk through shelves, pulling out random books and reading the backs. Usually, I come home with about 4 new books I want to put on my "to-read" list.
Currently, I am still hacking my way through the Amazon jungle known as the novel Les Miserables, and I'm getting rather sick of it. I'm actually getting rather sick of just forcing myself to read it. It never ENDS!!!!! However, one of my friends just recently finished it, giving me hope that I can indeed accomplish the task I started about two years ago.
No matter, that's the book I'm in the middle of, but I've been waiting for Nicholas Sparks' book Safe Haven  to come in at the library. It was taking forever, and I was getting really tired of waiting because I kind of boycotted Les Mis till I got it. So, I didn't read a thing yesterday. So sad. But, today I went to the library, and they had my book and the CDs I requested; and I was super happy. Yay for libraries! I hope they never go out of style.

"Heaven help us, if the library caught on fire, and the volunteer hose brigades-man, had to whisper the news to Maaaaaaaaarian." -- The Music Man